Monday, January 28, 2008

My Friends call me Jenna - Review of

Alright kids. We've got another live one for you. People keep requesting that we review their shit - they throw money at us! This one is a bit different though, because I've got some positive things to say. Lucky bastards.

So, this site is another dating site, like where you create a profile and shit (not where they give you shitty advice) And, login problems aside - which I should probably attribute to my Internet stupidity - this is an impressive little cyber stalking ground.

Standard features:
  • Video Uploads
  • Picture Uploads
  • Music Uploads
  • Instant Messenger
Sound familiar? Really, the free part of the site is essentially another version of MySpace.

It promotes itself as free, but you'll quickly find out that all the fun flirty things that go along with a dating site are for paid-members only. But let me walk you through my own experience. It's called and you can decide for yourself here.

I'll admit that creating your profile can be fully intimidating. First, they are all individually approved by the creators of the site. So, like, real live people are reading what you write, and possibly laughing at you. Second, they are strict about your personal description. There are obnoxious red letters warning you that if your plug is not long enough, you won't be approved. Shit. And to top it all off? When it's time to upload your picture, there are even more warnings that if you upload any "GARBAGE" your profile will be deleted. At this point, I'm thinking to myself, well fuck! My picture is goofy, but is it fucking garbage?! Let's just say that the 12 or so hours it took for my profile to be approved were a bit long. Thank god for those 4 bottles of wine.

I have a few personal problems with the layout of the profile pages - like, it's hard to figure out where the "Home" link is for your own profile. But again, could be my internet retardation (or the four bottles of wine).

But enough bullshit, right? Here's the good stuff. Within a few hours, I had three messages waiting for me. Let's just take a gander at the Runner Up for our What the Fuck of the week:

hi dear,
how are you doing? hope you are ok.well my name is BARTHOLOMEW WALCOTT my friends do call me BARTHWALCOTT, i just want to drop you a few note that since i set my eyes on your picture i have not been the same cause you are so charming and stunning that i wish i had known you for a long time i would like to know more about you and about me I don't dine at Court, I see few people, and take my walks alone Not in the sense that the rest of the world seems obscure to me,I see quite clearly what men are like and what they plan, wish, do and enjoy; I don't grudge them what they have, and comparing is a secret joy to me, possessing as I do such an imperishable treasure.and i know You in your household must feel as I often do in my affairs; we often don't notice objects simply because we don't choose to look at them, but things acquire an interest as soon as we see clearly the way they are related to each other. For we always like to join in, and the good man takes pleasure in arranging, putting in order and furthering the right and its peaceful rule, my dad will say
You don't marry someone you can live with. You marry the person who you cannot live without.. so dear that is a little about me i dont write much just hope to hear from you soon

Now, this is an international site, so we'll ignore the ESL quality here. But this next one is from a fellow American; hence his winning of the ultimate What the Fuck prize. (Which, is nothing, if you were wondering. The prize, that is.)

Hello preety,
how u doing i hope all is well with u there,
i am jeff from u s a i love to know you well so that we can talk more about us.Whenever life seems to drift you away from me, I can't help but cry. You've grown to be such a part of me that without you life is no more than a desperate sigh. They do say love comes and goes, and to that I disagree. So, here's my hand, take it and don't let go of me."I don't fear insects or spiders. At great heights, I jump off, smiling. In the face of death I wink. But, when I look into your eyes, I'm in fear of how much I love you,u can huck me up to my id jeffmike56.

Oh man, I love this site. I won't even get into the Instant Messages I recieved.

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