Thursday, July 23, 2009

Dating Deal Breakers (online)

Guys, being in the dating business for quite some time, I have been able to compile a few things that you may find very, very useful when seeking love online. Here are a few of the things girls do not like in a guy when they look at their profiles online:

- Pictures:
  • If the guy's picture is a glamor shot. Don't steal photos! We know that not everyone is a model. Move on and use yours.
  • Making weird faces with the caption "two hours of sleep!" Either he's seeking sympathy, or showing how he parties too hard.
  • When there is no photo, girls tend to move on and don't even bother to read the profile.
  • Shirtless poses. Girls would think of you as cocky
  • Clown masks, or equally freaky and elaborate Halloween costumes. Scary! Not funny!
  • More than one of the pictures is with his "friends" out in a bar getting sloppy. You have more time for your friends and not for me.
  • When he poses with girls. First, do you have a girlfriend? Huh? Second, pretty sure that girl doesn't know you're using her photo, and doubly sure she wouldn't be too happy about it.

- Profile descriptions:

  • In the "about me" paragraph, he says, "I don't know what to write." You're on a dating Web site, sell yourself a little bit!
  • When his "looking for" selection includes only "sex partners." I admit I might be looking for a hookup, too, but I don't advertise it so blatantly. And a guy who does seems a bit creepy.
  • Saying upfront that he doesn't have faith in online dating Web sites, or describes how someone forced him to sign up. That's a winner. Not.
  • "I'm an actor." Moving on.
  • Anything about his genius zombie/alien/Sith defense plan.
  • Using the following spellings: "u" "ur" "no1," and overuse of LOLs.

- The Screen name:

  • The following will not bag a girl: PantsParty, Phantorgasm, "Magnum" anything, MaSword, FartyDogAss, Bloodlust, 420guy.

- Contact and E-mail:

  • He writes to you is "whats up." He's so lazy he can't even add punctuation.
  • Misleading subject lines like, "We made plans and you never showed," which he then admits in the body of the e-mail was a ploy to get you to open the letter and not delete it. Desperate, much?
  • Letters that sound like job applications: "Hi. I'm the guy for you!"
  • Bizarre requests. "I have an unusual request for friend is currently living in [your city] and is feeling quite sick at the moment and I want to cheer her up. Could you surprise her with a sexy phone message that would go something like this: 'Hello, I'm Nurse X, I'm in the bath right now and hope you're getting better.'"

Friday, July 17, 2009

Google AdWords

Will Google ever allow us to limit where we want our ads to display and who can click on them? I am really not willing to pay for clicks from users using proxies and showing up in countries they are actually not from.