Dating Deal Breakers (online)

Guys, being in the dating business for quite some time, I have been able to compile a few things that you may find very, very useful when seeking love online. Here are a few of the things girls do not like in a guy when they look at their profiles online:

- Pictures:

• If the guy's picture is a glamor shot. Don't steal photos! We know that not everyone is a model. Move on and use yours.
• Making weird faces with the caption "two hours of sleep!" Either he's seeking sympathy, or showing how he parties too hard.
• When there is no photo, girls tend to move on and don't even bother to read the profile.
• Shirtless poses. Girls would think of you as cocky
• Clown masks, or equally freaky and elaborate Halloween costumes. Scary! Not funny!
• More than one of the pictures is with his "friends" out in a bar getting sloppy. You have more time for your friends and not for me.
• When he poses with girls. First, do you have a girlfriend? Huh? Second, pretty sure that girl doesn't know you're using her photo, and doubly sure she wouldn't be too happy about it.

- Profile descriptions:

• In the "about me" paragraph, he says, "I don't know what to write." You're on a dating Web site, sell yourself a little bit!
• When his "looking for" selection includes only "sex partners." I admit I might be looking for a hookup, too, but I don't advertise it so blatantly. And a guy who does seems a bit creepy.
• Saying upfront that he doesn't have faith in online dating Web sites, or describes how someone forced him to sign up. That's a winner. Not.
• "I'm an actor." Moving on.
• Anything about his genius zombie/alien/Sith defense plan.
• Using the following spellings: "u" "ur" "no1," and overuse of LOLs.
  

- The Screen name:

• The following will not bag a girl: PantsParty, Phantorgasm, "Magnum" anything, MaSword, FartyDogAss, Bloodlust, 420guy.

- Contact and E-mail:

• He writes to you is "whats up." He's so lazy he can't even add punctuation.
• Misleading subject lines like, "We made plans and you never showed," which he then admits in the body of the e-mail was a ploy to get you to open the letter and not delete it. Desperate, much?
• Letters that sound like job applications: "Hi. I'm the guy for you!"
• Bizarre requests. "I have an unusual request for you....my friend is currently living in [your city] and is feeling quite sick at the moment and I want to cheer her up. Could you surprise her with a sexy phone message that would go something like this: 'Hello, I'm Nurse X, I'm in the bath right now and hope you're getting better.'"