Wednesday, August 13, 2008

What is playing hard to get? Should I play hard to get in a relationship?

How to play hard to get? Should a woman play hard to get in a relationship? What is playing hard to get? What should a woman do to play hard to get?

All of these questions have been leaving women wonder for years. Does it mean that if you play hard to get, you will wind up living happily ever after with your man, husband or boyfriend or will you turn him off by playing hard to get?

Do I need to wait for a certain period of time to kiss, or have sex with a man I am dating? Will he think that I am too easy if I sleep with him too soon? Will he dump me if I have sex with him too soon? How soon should I have sex with a man I am seeing? Should I tell a man I am dating about my feelings?

Women date. Women ponder. Every situation is different, but unlike many women think, there are certain answers that men give to these questions that women don’t normally think of.
First off, what is playing hard to get? Does it really means that you should not kiss a man you like until you go out on a date number three? Does it mean you should not sleep with someone you are dating until date number twenty?

To answer these questions, let’s look at a few examples.

You meet a man. You like him. You think there is mutual attraction. He doesn't call after the first date. You sit and wait and then decide he may have lost your number. Or something happened that he can’t call you. So, you decide to call. And when you call, he does not answer your phone call. Does it sound familiar?

Then you think he may not have gotten your voice mail message and you call him again. Hey, one call may have gone unnoticed. But a second call that goes without an answer signals lack of interest. In fact, the first call that went unanswered signals the same, but isn’t it hard to admit that a man you found interesting and attractive, and whom you would like to date is not interested in return?

Here is what a man does when he goes out on a first date with a woman. He evaluates the woman’s potential and decides if he is interested in seeing her again.

Do you really think a man will tell you straight up during the first date that he is not romantically interested in dating you? Of course, not. Do you ever tell a man you are not interested in dating him? Some women do, but not all. And why you think a man who is having a nice time on a date just talking to a woman and enjoying a nice conversation would tell her he is not romantically interested in her? A man is having a nice time with you on a date. That doesn’t mean he wants you date you. But being polite he does not want to hurt your feelings by rejecting you. He is just hoping you would get the message when he does not call.

So, should you play hard to get with a man you have gone out with? I personally do not support the idea of playing hard to get. If playing hard to get means withholding sex, then I would say no to that. If you really like a man and feel like you are ready to have sex with him, and provided he feels the same way about you, why not? If you are both ready.

What about kissing? I think the same goes for kissing. However, I do not suggest kissing on or right after the first date. Not because you are playing hard to get, but because you may already have another date set for tomorrow. Maybe two dates for tomorrow, and two for Wednesday. And three dates for Thursday, etc. Are you going to kiss everybody? Of course not.

I generally advise that you should only kiss those guys who date you exclusively. Say, for instance, you are dating five guys consistently and still meeting more guys for the first time, provided you are meeting them via a dating site. If you like some of the guys you are dating better than others, you may want to kiss those guys you like better if they are not seeing anyone else.

Most guys who have jobs do not like, however seeing more than one woman at a time. Dating is really time consuming and most guys who work like to settle with one person. So, say you are dating five guys and you like two of them the best. Should you kiss both? Some women do that. I personally don’t think it is a good idea to go around kissing a bunch of people, but this is really not about playing hard to get. It is probably better to decide first which guy you like the best and kiss only him. It is good to keep the other guys on the back burner just in case the main guy doesn’t work out, but I would not be kissing all of them even if you are the only one each one of them is dating.
The only reason that I see why women play hard to get is because they are insecure. Then think if they kiss a guy too soon or sleep with him too soon, the guy will lose interest. Wrong! Like I said before in one of my previous posts, if a guy likes a woman, he will not like her less because she had sex with him on date number one, two or three. However, on a date number one you don’t know if he likes you or not, because he just won’t tell you straight in your face he is not interested. So, you should go home and forget about him. Then when he calls you, hopefully you’ll remember who it is. When he asks you out on a second date and plans something special for you, you’ll know he is interested. Or if he proposes a hook-up, than you know what he is after.

But what if you think the man you’ve just met is the one? Well, you really don’t know and should not make assumptions. Chemistry is illusive. I have met men whom I thought had potential on the first date, but then after the second date I said Ewwwwwww. So, you never really know. What if you sleep with him on the first date? What is going to happen, he will think you feel the same way about him and will not understand why you don’t want to see him after all. What if he becomes too dependent? What if sex is so great that he’ll come begging for more? Well, you’ve just got yourself a stalker! Hopefully he lives far enough that the distance will prevent him from stalking you.

Another thing, whatever you do, if you decide to sleep with a guy you are dating too soon, do not invite him to your place. Do it someplace else, or at his house, so that you can have an easy escape route if you don’t want to see him again.

That’s why you should play hard to get! Get to know a guy before you sleep with him and make sure he is not going to stalk you once you are done with him. You really don’t need multiple suitors at your door.

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